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Are You a Player, Or Do You Get Played?

How Do You View Life?

Most people see life as a series of events that happen to them. Stuff happens, and they react to that stuff. Good things happen, and they’re happy. Bad things happen, and they’re sad. You don’t set the rules of the game. You just react to what happens. Your ability to feel a certain way comes from outside yourself. This is called having an external locus of power or identity. It means that you have no control whatever over how you feel. This is what’s called being played by life.

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If you take the view that you will define your emotional landscape, regardless of events or opinions, you have total control over the game of life. You become the player rather than the played.

You might think: “But, good things DO make people happy, and bad things DO make people sad, so how can this be?” Simply that ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are subjective. What’s good for one person is bad for another. It’s not the thing (event, comment, weather, etc) that MAKES the person feel a particular way. Their brain and their nervous system create the sensation. All experiences are filtered through the mind. We create our reality.

Life does not happen TO you, it happens THROUGH you! – Rebecca Bardess

Are You A Player?

So, being a player means ignoring all evidence to the contrary while you define your own world. That’s a good thing, right? You get to stride confidently through life without a second thought for the emotional landscape of those around you. If they don’t see your world view, screw them! You’re going to get to where you choose on your own terms. Powerful. Yes, and lacking in empathy. You may be able to go the fastest and furthest with this philosophy, but it doesn’t fully explain the complexities of who you are. You’re a social being. What others think of you should matter to some degree, or you lose your humanity. Of course you don’t want to be dragged down by the needs of others for you not to advance but, at the same time, total ignorance of the mood of your community is a little narcissistic, and narcissism can lead to disconnection.

Here’s my feelings on the matter. You need to acknowledge that life doesn’t happen to you, but through you. You are the perceiver in your life. You get to define what events mean. However, the people around you are a mirror to you of whom you have become through life. They also matter. You may not agree with them, but their opinions are valid. It is right to limit time with negative people while you’re getting into momentum, but if your life is purely based on the idea that you will only mix with people who agree with you, that road leads to dictatorship. With dictatorship comes total power, but total disconnection.

Instead, acknowledge that your body and mind have evolved over millennia both to experience the world and to protect you from it. They have evolved to allow you to explore, and to tell you when to hide. Your conscious mind can choose to see things a particular way. Your ancient mind will still seek out threats, and feel pain when you’re attacked – even if not physically. This is its job. Don’t close down the meerkat mind. It’s there to protect you, and it does tell you that things and people are out to get you. Sometimes it is right. Most of the time, it is wrong. Your job, though, is to manage it. Manage the meerkat, and set the narrative for the conscious mind to play the game you decide to play. Feel the ebb and flow of social norms and pressures, then choose the course that you will sail.

In short: don’t be the played. Don’t be the player. Be the coach.

player coach



P.S. I’m about to launch a book and course to help you see inside the minds of your prospects. To get on the early bird priority list go to


2 Responses so far.

  1. […] you deserve your place amongst the stars too. This post explains a little more about why having heart is just as important as having posture. Hope you find it helpful. […]

  2. […] create every aspect of their own reality when it comes to emotion. I’ve written about that in this post, but I saw a great video by Marie Forleo about this exact topic today, so I thought I’d […]

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